I can't believe that our five-week sabbatical is over already! This time away from our responsibilities of caring and planning for our congregation has been more restful, more enriching, and more restoring than I had dared to hope. I now have a better perspective on just how close to total burnout Chris and I both were. That noted, I must say that after this month I am more relaxed, centered, healthy and happy than I remember being in years. But the really good news is that I feel we have laid the ground work for both of us to remain on this track of better health and perspective for the foreseeable future.
One of the main highlights of our month for me was seeing United at Team Church '07. That concert was one of those transcendent experiences you remember your whole life. And it wasn't just the concert, it was the time that we got to spend hearing the members of United talk about their music and their heart for worship and justice that made this a memorable experience.
I freely admit that I am a United junkie. I have loved their music since I heard my first United CD, and if I were a twenty-one year old, I think I would just travel the world going to all of their concerts! (In fact, it is quite possible that I have a crush on Joel Houston! He's like a modern day David. He's really tall, he has a ruddy complexion and he's pretty cute to look upon, if a middle-ish-aged preacher's wife may observe. Add in his deeply moving song lyrics, and all I can say is "Ahhh!" I have always had a thing for musicians-Chris was a drummer when we fell in love. I told Chris that if I were a teenaged girl I think I'd have his poster on my wall!) Okay, back to reality now...
I came away from their sessions during the conference deeply impressed with the spiritual maturity of these young men and women-their naked hunger for God and His presence, and their undeniable commitment to seek justice for the poor and downtrodden. There was a passion and a driving purpose in these young people that I have not seen even in career ministers of the gospel! And to hear their hearts and then to go see them in action, using their phenomenal talents for the glory of God and seeing hundreds of youth worshipping with abandon after waiting in line for hours to get in to the venue was truly a life-changing experience.
Not only did I enjoy this from a music and worship standpoint-their example has spurred me on to work on discover what I am passionate about in this world and to find a way to do it! Motherhood and ministry remain the things I care most deeply about, but I also believe that there is a unique purpose within me and over the next few months I intend to search for it. During our sabbatical I was challenged to come up with an action plan of things to do to keep burnout and fatigue from reoccurring once we came back, and this is one of the items on my plan. I plan to spend more time exploring things outside of my normal realm of church and home, such as the great museums and galleries in our metro area, and maybe even take a class or two at the community college. So we'll see what develops from there!
Showing posts with label Random Musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Musings. Show all posts
A Great Woman of God, Part 2
In addendum to my post on the homegoing of Ruth Bell Graham:
After watching the broadcast of the memorial service for Ruth, I visited the website of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. I found there a beautiful photo montage of Ruth's life, and heartily recommend viewing it. On the page for memorials, I found that to honor her passing, the BGEA is making available on of her books to the general public at no cost. For those of you who read my previous post, one guess as to which book it is! Yes, my long sought-after "Sitting by my Laughing Fire." I cannot think of a more appropriate occasion for me to acquire it than Ruth's 'graduation' to all that she believed in for her entire life!
After watching the broadcast of the memorial service for Ruth, I visited the website of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. I found there a beautiful photo montage of Ruth's life, and heartily recommend viewing it. On the page for memorials, I found that to honor her passing, the BGEA is making available on of her books to the general public at no cost. For those of you who read my previous post, one guess as to which book it is! Yes, my long sought-after "Sitting by my Laughing Fire." I cannot think of a more appropriate occasion for me to acquire it than Ruth's 'graduation' to all that she believed in for her entire life!
A Great Woman of God
My heart is heavy as I heard the news of the 'homegoing' of a great woman of God today-Ruth Bell Graham. For those of you who have not been blessed to read her writing or poetry or hear the testimony of her faithful life, Ruth is the wife of world-renowned evangelist Billy Graham.
In my late 20's, while plundering through odds and ends at a Goodwill store with my mom, I came across some books by Ruth, and thought she might be someone who would have something worthwhile to say. I bought one book, "Legacy of a Pack Rat," and took it home to read. I found myself, over the next few days, nudging Chris late at night and reading entire passages aloud to him from her book. Over the next couple of years I devoured anything and everything I could get my hands on that were written by or about her. I was drawn to her easy writing style, her humour, and her honesty in recounting the struggles of raising her children, so often without the influence of their father. Chris was on the road a lot at this time, ministering as an evangelist, and I remember thinking, "Well, the work of raising her five virtually by herself was probably comparable to the work of taking care of my Nathan, with his myriad of disabilities."
Later on, after reading all of her prose, I discovered her poetry. Never one to be especially fond of the medium, Ruth's poetry moved me deeply. It is often simple, capturing her deep love of nature or the day-to-day life of loving God and family. In my struggle with anxiety, I will often pull my volume of her poetry off my shelf and read a little-it never fails to bring me peace.
In the article about her death, her local pastor, Rev. Richard White, was quoted as saying, "She had the ability to move among presidents and leaders, but then turn right around and clean the oven of a widow." Ruth was always real, and I believe that she was Billy's anchor as God used him on the world stage to bring the gospel to millions. She shared in her writings that Billy would drift into areas of politics that she thought he ought not to move into, and she never hesitated to tell him so.
In this day and age, I am constantly disgusted by big-time ministers or pastors whose ministries become huge and then they leave behind chasing the kingdom to chase the world's standard of success. You know the ones I mean-the ones who live in multi-million dollar condos in Trump tower, or will only stay in six-diamond hotels if they take a speaking engagement. If anyone could have let kingdom success go to his head and make him earthly-minded, it was Billy Graham. Who else has, for generations, been called 'America's pastor'? But Ruth was always there for him to come home to, after rubbing elbows with the movers and shakers or sunburned from the media glare he attracted, full of gentle wisdom and practical sense in their humble cabin far up in the mountains of North Carolina that she built herself. Who knows where he might have wandered if not for the anchor of her candor and utter lack of pretense.
Now that I am a full-time pastor's wife, Ruth serves as a shining example of what I hope to be for my husband-a refuge, an anchor, a faithful steward of his home. Her motherhood and the results of it-five grown children faithfully serving God-serve as an example of what I hope to be as a mother. And her diligent, expository study of God's word and faithful struggle to put it into work in her daily life serve as an example of what it means to be a true disciple of this faith that I hold so dear.
By the way, that day in the Goodwill store there were several of Ruth's books on the bookshelf, but I only picked one to buy because I wasn't sure if I would like her work. In my subsequent collection of her writing, I have been eluded by one particular title which has long been out of print-a book called "Sitting By My Laughing Fire." I have kicked myself for the better part of a decade for not buying every single one of those books when I had the chance that day! (I know I can buy it on amazon, but I am just waiting for the happy day when God lets me come across it sitting on some used bookstore or antique store shelf! It has become my 'holy grail' of books, and I refuse to take the easy way out in finding it!!)
Ruth's degenerative arthritis was the result of an accident in which she fell out of a tree while helping her grandchildren to repair a swing. (No measly tree could stand in the way of this little powerhouse of a woman doing what her loved ones needed doing!) Now that she has finally been given a new body, one free of the pain that had crippled her in the last years of her life, I can just imagine her up there, climbing the tree of life and shaking down fruit for everyone. If there has ever been a person to whom I could easily iimagine God saying, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," it is Ruth Bell Graham.
PS-Here are two of my favorite Ruth quotes, to reward you for reading through this long post. When asked about her views on marriage, Ruth said two very profound things: "If the two of you agree on everything, one of you is unnecessary" and to the question about whether she had ever considered divorce, "Divorce no, murder yes!"
In my late 20's, while plundering through odds and ends at a Goodwill store with my mom, I came across some books by Ruth, and thought she might be someone who would have something worthwhile to say. I bought one book, "Legacy of a Pack Rat," and took it home to read. I found myself, over the next few days, nudging Chris late at night and reading entire passages aloud to him from her book. Over the next couple of years I devoured anything and everything I could get my hands on that were written by or about her. I was drawn to her easy writing style, her humour, and her honesty in recounting the struggles of raising her children, so often without the influence of their father. Chris was on the road a lot at this time, ministering as an evangelist, and I remember thinking, "Well, the work of raising her five virtually by herself was probably comparable to the work of taking care of my Nathan, with his myriad of disabilities."
Later on, after reading all of her prose, I discovered her poetry. Never one to be especially fond of the medium, Ruth's poetry moved me deeply. It is often simple, capturing her deep love of nature or the day-to-day life of loving God and family. In my struggle with anxiety, I will often pull my volume of her poetry off my shelf and read a little-it never fails to bring me peace.
In the article about her death, her local pastor, Rev. Richard White, was quoted as saying, "She had the ability to move among presidents and leaders, but then turn right around and clean the oven of a widow." Ruth was always real, and I believe that she was Billy's anchor as God used him on the world stage to bring the gospel to millions. She shared in her writings that Billy would drift into areas of politics that she thought he ought not to move into, and she never hesitated to tell him so.
In this day and age, I am constantly disgusted by big-time ministers or pastors whose ministries become huge and then they leave behind chasing the kingdom to chase the world's standard of success. You know the ones I mean-the ones who live in multi-million dollar condos in Trump tower, or will only stay in six-diamond hotels if they take a speaking engagement. If anyone could have let kingdom success go to his head and make him earthly-minded, it was Billy Graham. Who else has, for generations, been called 'America's pastor'? But Ruth was always there for him to come home to, after rubbing elbows with the movers and shakers or sunburned from the media glare he attracted, full of gentle wisdom and practical sense in their humble cabin far up in the mountains of North Carolina that she built herself. Who knows where he might have wandered if not for the anchor of her candor and utter lack of pretense.
Now that I am a full-time pastor's wife, Ruth serves as a shining example of what I hope to be for my husband-a refuge, an anchor, a faithful steward of his home. Her motherhood and the results of it-five grown children faithfully serving God-serve as an example of what I hope to be as a mother. And her diligent, expository study of God's word and faithful struggle to put it into work in her daily life serve as an example of what it means to be a true disciple of this faith that I hold so dear.
By the way, that day in the Goodwill store there were several of Ruth's books on the bookshelf, but I only picked one to buy because I wasn't sure if I would like her work. In my subsequent collection of her writing, I have been eluded by one particular title which has long been out of print-a book called "Sitting By My Laughing Fire." I have kicked myself for the better part of a decade for not buying every single one of those books when I had the chance that day! (I know I can buy it on amazon, but I am just waiting for the happy day when God lets me come across it sitting on some used bookstore or antique store shelf! It has become my 'holy grail' of books, and I refuse to take the easy way out in finding it!!)
Ruth's degenerative arthritis was the result of an accident in which she fell out of a tree while helping her grandchildren to repair a swing. (No measly tree could stand in the way of this little powerhouse of a woman doing what her loved ones needed doing!) Now that she has finally been given a new body, one free of the pain that had crippled her in the last years of her life, I can just imagine her up there, climbing the tree of life and shaking down fruit for everyone. If there has ever been a person to whom I could easily iimagine God saying, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," it is Ruth Bell Graham.
PS-Here are two of my favorite Ruth quotes, to reward you for reading through this long post. When asked about her views on marriage, Ruth said two very profound things: "If the two of you agree on everything, one of you is unnecessary" and to the question about whether she had ever considered divorce, "Divorce no, murder yes!"
Somebody Stop Me!
Okay, last little thing-I was just looking back over my blogging posts and realized that my second post was about our Pentecost service last year, so I guess that means I've been around in the blogging universe for a year now!!
Happy Anniversary To Me!
Happy Anniversary To Me!
Seven Things I've Learned
My friends Crickl and als tagged me for a meme of seven random things about me. However, I think Crickl had the right idea about changing the subject to seven things I've learned in life. (And like her, I've already done a 'random things about me' list. You can find it in my Jan '07 posts.) It took a few days of mulling over, but I think I've finally come up with my own list. Here goes:
1. LIFE IS ALL ABOUT CHOICES. . . The whole thing boils down to each little choice I make. Every day we make millions of choices, large or small, either by design or by default. If I choose to eat bonbons and ice cream for breakfast each day I'm going to look like Jabba The Hut. If I focus on the dust in my house all day long and choose not to spend time with God my spirit will suffer even though my house might look great. If we can come to the place where we are aware of these choices before we make them we would all lead much more disciplined lives.
2. . . . SO CHOOSE THE THINGS THAT ARE OF ETERNAL VALUE. The dust will always be there. Your kid's toys will always be where they are not supposed to be. So what. Have I cultivated any fruit of the spirit today? Have I spent time making an eternal investment into my childrens' character by spending a little time with them that doesn't involve nagging?
3. THERE ARE QUESTIONS WE MAY NEVER KNOW THE ANSWERS TO. "Why?" is a black hole that you may never come out of. Sometimes we just have to give up on the why, and focus on the now. Many say that all of our questions will be answered one day when we are in heaven, but I personally think that I will be so happy and fulfilled there that I will no longer wonder.
4. YOU ARE THE ONLY 'YOU' THERE WILL EVER BE. This one's a two-parter. A.) Celebrate, love and embrace the unique things that God has placed in you. Become comfortable in your own skin and practice being yourself as often as possible. B.) No matter how worthy your other roles in life may be, never let them eclipse knowing and taking care of yourself. Don't get lost in your other job titles. There are plenty of Moms, Pastor's Wives, Accountants, etc., but there is only one soul who can be you.
5. YOUR 'MOTHER'S INSTINCT' IS ALWAYS RIGHT. If you're reading my blog, it's a safe bet that you're a girl. You may or may not be a mom yet, but even if you're not you will probably become one some day. That gut instinct is a gift from God and you should always listen to it. I have experienced this over and over in caring for my son for ten years. Many times that instinct may have been what saved his life. Listen to it and don't apologize for it!
6. THE GOLDEN RULE IS A PRETTY SAYING. No, I'm not suggesting you quit being considerate. But I've learned first hand that you can be as sweet as a Georgia peach and someone will still be mean to you. The world is full of mean people, and many of them go to a church! But if you keep your eyes on God, and practice showing the mercy that He has so freely given to each of us, you will not be so disappointed in those around you.
7. THIS LIFE JUST WON'T WORK WITHOUT GOD. You may think you have managed to find real happiness without him, but you have fooled yourself. He is the sole purpose for which we exist.
Well, there you have it. I am going to make a copy of this so that in ten years I can look back and have a good laugh at my "wisdom"!! Thanks, Crickl and als, for giving me the opportunity to reflect on this. (And as for tagging seven others, all of the bloggers I know were in the same tag list that Crickl made except for one, so I tag my husband. Chris-"You're It!!!!")
1. LIFE IS ALL ABOUT CHOICES. . . The whole thing boils down to each little choice I make. Every day we make millions of choices, large or small, either by design or by default. If I choose to eat bonbons and ice cream for breakfast each day I'm going to look like Jabba The Hut. If I focus on the dust in my house all day long and choose not to spend time with God my spirit will suffer even though my house might look great. If we can come to the place where we are aware of these choices before we make them we would all lead much more disciplined lives.
2. . . . SO CHOOSE THE THINGS THAT ARE OF ETERNAL VALUE. The dust will always be there. Your kid's toys will always be where they are not supposed to be. So what. Have I cultivated any fruit of the spirit today? Have I spent time making an eternal investment into my childrens' character by spending a little time with them that doesn't involve nagging?
3. THERE ARE QUESTIONS WE MAY NEVER KNOW THE ANSWERS TO. "Why?" is a black hole that you may never come out of. Sometimes we just have to give up on the why, and focus on the now. Many say that all of our questions will be answered one day when we are in heaven, but I personally think that I will be so happy and fulfilled there that I will no longer wonder.
4. YOU ARE THE ONLY 'YOU' THERE WILL EVER BE. This one's a two-parter. A.) Celebrate, love and embrace the unique things that God has placed in you. Become comfortable in your own skin and practice being yourself as often as possible. B.) No matter how worthy your other roles in life may be, never let them eclipse knowing and taking care of yourself. Don't get lost in your other job titles. There are plenty of Moms, Pastor's Wives, Accountants, etc., but there is only one soul who can be you.
5. YOUR 'MOTHER'S INSTINCT' IS ALWAYS RIGHT. If you're reading my blog, it's a safe bet that you're a girl. You may or may not be a mom yet, but even if you're not you will probably become one some day. That gut instinct is a gift from God and you should always listen to it. I have experienced this over and over in caring for my son for ten years. Many times that instinct may have been what saved his life. Listen to it and don't apologize for it!
6. THE GOLDEN RULE IS A PRETTY SAYING. No, I'm not suggesting you quit being considerate. But I've learned first hand that you can be as sweet as a Georgia peach and someone will still be mean to you. The world is full of mean people, and many of them go to a church! But if you keep your eyes on God, and practice showing the mercy that He has so freely given to each of us, you will not be so disappointed in those around you.
7. THIS LIFE JUST WON'T WORK WITHOUT GOD. You may think you have managed to find real happiness without him, but you have fooled yourself. He is the sole purpose for which we exist.
Well, there you have it. I am going to make a copy of this so that in ten years I can look back and have a good laugh at my "wisdom"!! Thanks, Crickl and als, for giving me the opportunity to reflect on this. (And as for tagging seven others, all of the bloggers I know were in the same tag list that Crickl made except for one, so I tag my husband. Chris-"You're It!!!!")
53 Random Facts About Me
- I once met Richard Petty, the race car driving legend.
- I always leave the library with something.
- I have short arms. No kidding-I have to roll up the sleeves on almost every shirt and sweater I wear.
- I love watching movies in the movie theater.
- I still have my very first teddy bear.
- I have a huge space between my big toe and my second toe.
- A hairdresser once told me that I had the thickest hair he had ever cut.
- When I was a child my mother used to have to take my books away and kick me out of the house to play outdoors.
- I have read by flashlight under my covers.
- I never remember to check the gas gauge.
- I am a lead-foot driver.
- I hate church business meetings.
- I am addicted to cooking shows.
- I get in trouble for not writing transactions in the checkbook.
- I had the highest SAT score in my high school.
- I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 20.
- I used to dance with my Maw-Maw to Lawrence Welk when I spent the night with her on Saturday nights.
- I never drink milk.
- I despise mayonnaise.
- I am passionate about guacamole.
- When I was a child, my nickname was ‘45’ because I could talk 45 miles per hour.
- I once hit my mother with a broom.
- I like to listen to music. Loud. WHAT DID YOU SAY??
- I loathe washing dishes by hand.
- I have been known to carry a vase of flowers from room to room with me so that I enjoy every minute of them.
- I have received roses from
- I hate church business meetings.
- I have drunk coffee from the original Starbucks in
- I was 30 years old when I flew for the first time. My daughter was six months old.
- I know a Secret Service agent and two former NASA scientists, but if I told you more I'd have to kill you.
- I love to send hand-written cards and letters.
- I have ridden in ambulances more times than I can count.
- My only childhood pet was a chocolate lab named Brownie.
- When I got married I only knew how to cook two things-chili and spaghetti. We ate a lot of chili and spaghetti.
- I can make real Beef Bourguignon-and spell it (No, I didn’t use spellcheck)
- I have been through six hurricanes in a six year span.
- I kiss two miracles goodnight every single day.
- I love the poetry of Ruth Bell Graham.
- My picture has been in a newspaper three times in my life.
- I experience terrible stage fright when singing a solo.
- My husband proposed to me in his grandmother’s bedroom.
- I love to watch the sun rise over the ocean.
- When I’m overwhelmed with life I like to stay in my pajamas all day.
- I have touched a dolphin.
- Did I mention that I hate church business meetings?
- I gave birth to two children without ever having a single contraction.
- I like rainy days.
- When I was a little girl I wanted to marry Barry Gibb when I grew up.
- The best birthday gift I ever received was my daughter, who was born on my birthday. The second best was a red leather diary with a lock and key that my Daddy gave me on my 12th birthday. I still have both.
- My favorite teacher was Miss Sullivan, my chorus teacher in high school.
- I adore old family stories, and constantly bug my family members for new ones.
- I own an original Grease LP. If you don’t know what an LP is, you wouldn’t appreciate it anyway!
- I can peel an apple in one, long piece. I learned how from my Maw-Maw.
Chores- the new carrots?
As a mother in this new generation of political correctness and building children's self-esteem, I feel that we have lost an important component of motherhood perfected by our mothers' generation-guilt. Remember the days when our moms used guilt to get us to do anything-"Eat your carrots or you'll go blind!", "Stand up straight or you'll get a hump!", etc.
Well, mothers, take note of this new scientific research that is not only good news for women everywhere, but may also help you get that teenage girl to pitch in and help around the house! I can hear it now-"You better pick up that dust cloth right now young lady, or you might regret it later!!"
(P.S.-When I heard this news report on TV, the female newscaster closed out the segment by saying, "Well, I guess I might need to start doing some dusting!" START?!?)
Well, mothers, take note of this new scientific research that is not only good news for women everywhere, but may also help you get that teenage girl to pitch in and help around the house! I can hear it now-"You better pick up that dust cloth right now young lady, or you might regret it later!!"
(P.S.-When I heard this news report on TV, the female newscaster closed out the segment by saying, "Well, I guess I might need to start doing some dusting!" START?!?)
Where Have All The Christmas Movies Gone?
There was a time when Christmas week was one long Christmas movie marathon! You couldn't turn a channel without finding holiday cheer and a plot line that involved that one special present you can't live without. Chris and I really get in the mood for a great Christmas movie when it gets close to Christmas eve. All of the shopping and wrapping is done, the menu for Christmas dinner is prepared and the groceries are bought and you have time to sit around and recuperate from the craziness of the previous weeks.
We looked at the TV guide last night only to find that there are no Christmas movies coming on this year! "It's a Wonderful Life" and "A Christmas Story" were the only ones we could find. What ever happened to "White Christmas" or "Miracle on 34th St."? Why can't anyone show "The Bishop's Wife" or it's great remake, "The Preacher's Wife" (which has some of the greatest Christmas music of all time on the soundtrack!!) Even the perennial "Home Alone" is nowhere to be found! (And as much as I love "The Sound Of Music", I have news for the TV programmers-it ain't a Christmas movie!)
Now I know all about the efforts of secular society to remove Christmas from our culture. But doesn't anyone realize that the majority of Americans still celebrate Christmas, even if it is not in a religious context? And I'm talking a LARGE MAJORITY! I understand that there are other religions out there to whom Christmas is offensive, but do I have to stop celebrating it completely in order to make them happy? This country was founded on the premise of religious freedom. I should have the right to celebrate my religious holiday along with others' religious observances!
TV programmers, take note- (because I know you are all waiting with bated breath for each of my blog entries!) WE STILL WANT TO SEE CHRISTMAS MOVIES!! Bring on "Scrooged" and "Jingle All The Way". I could use a break with a great movie about now!
We looked at the TV guide last night only to find that there are no Christmas movies coming on this year! "It's a Wonderful Life" and "A Christmas Story" were the only ones we could find. What ever happened to "White Christmas" or "Miracle on 34th St."? Why can't anyone show "The Bishop's Wife" or it's great remake, "The Preacher's Wife" (which has some of the greatest Christmas music of all time on the soundtrack!!) Even the perennial "Home Alone" is nowhere to be found! (And as much as I love "The Sound Of Music", I have news for the TV programmers-it ain't a Christmas movie!)
Now I know all about the efforts of secular society to remove Christmas from our culture. But doesn't anyone realize that the majority of Americans still celebrate Christmas, even if it is not in a religious context? And I'm talking a LARGE MAJORITY! I understand that there are other religions out there to whom Christmas is offensive, but do I have to stop celebrating it completely in order to make them happy? This country was founded on the premise of religious freedom. I should have the right to celebrate my religious holiday along with others' religious observances!
TV programmers, take note- (because I know you are all waiting with bated breath for each of my blog entries!) WE STILL WANT TO SEE CHRISTMAS MOVIES!! Bring on "Scrooged" and "Jingle All The Way". I could use a break with a great movie about now!
True Beauty
BIG PROPS to Dove for their real beauty campain. Check out this blog entry and the Dove video that's with it-I couldn't have said it better!
Heavy Hearted MomMusings
Since this blog is mainly the musings of my mother's heart, I must share my heartbreak over the horrific events of this week. I have been deeply disturbed and saddened by the attacks against young girls in our schools and communities.
I don't need to rehash these events themselves; if you own a computer, tv or radio, or if you read a paper you know the intimately horrific details of this new spate of violence. For those of us here in the Washington DC area, on the same day as the tragedy in Colorado last week our newscasters also informed us of an eight year old girl's sexual assault after she got off of her school bus half a block from her home and the man police were looking for who had assaulted one girl already in area stores and was caught on camera stalking another young victim in an area Target.
My husband, while watching the disturbing news coverage, made two astute observations. The most important of them was the statement that, for reasons he hasn't quite figured out yet, the enemy of our souls is deliberately targeting our daughters. The second was that, being the parents of a beautiful, precious, innocent daughter right now feels a lot like having a deer and knowing it's hunting season out there.
Now we must deal with the horror of this latest attack in Pennsylvania. In listening to the news reports of this disturbed man's possible motives for his heinous plan, I was grieved to hear his statements about being mad at God over the death of his premature baby daughter. There will be thousands of sharper minds than mine analyzing this man's motives over the next few weeks, as we all try to come to grips with how someone could even conceive such evil, but this makes me wonder a few things. I wonder if this man, who has now admitted to molesting young female family members as a twelve year old boy, felt that God was punishing him for this secret sin he had carried hidden in his memory and conscience with the death of his baby daughter. He has stated that he was mad at God, and I cannot help but wonder further if he thought that by perpetrating these evil plans on even more innocent young girls, he was showing God a thing or two. This makes me really think about what a direct path to destruction it is to harbor anger against God.
I write this from the perspective of someone who has spent a lot of time being angry with Him. Every time Nathan gets sick, and I watch him lay there helpless and barely moving, I get angry knowing that the all-powerful God I serve could make his entire illness go away with a wave of His hand. During the years when Chris and I begged to have another child, I alternated between petitioning God for this deep desire of my heart and being angry with Him that He wouldn't even give us this consolation. Now some of you might be aghast at the idea that a pastor's wife would admit to being angry with God, but I genuinely feel that God is big enough to deal with me being angry with him. But thinking about this man's anger at God has made me realize that my personal anger with Him has always been tempered by my inescapable love and need for Him. I see this in the story of Job too (which I have been studying lately). There are many passages in the book of Job where Job is really ticked with God. But his anger never outweighs his love for his God, or stops the longing he expresses to be known by God. I feel that there is a key detail here. We must always strive to never let our anger with God eclipse what the Bible calls the 'fear' of Him, or the realization of who He is and how much we need Him. I think these events are a clear example of the result of such untempered, unchecked anger against our Creator-the death of our souls.
I also feel compelled to point out the stark contrast between this man's inability to forgive God for the death of his baby daughter and the almost instantaneous forgiveness the Amish parents of his victims offered to his family. I am sure I am not the only person to observe this contrast. The Amish community members who have spoken with the press have been a walking textbook for the biblical spirit of forgiveness. As a mother, even though I am a Christian, it boggles my mind that these parents could forgive this man. I can only pray that out of this tragedy, some good will come of the testimony of forgiveness that is being lived out under the glare of media cameras in the gentle and unassuming community of the Amish.
I believe that we need to pray for specific protection over our daughters-the daughters in our homes and the daughters of our society. Like Chris, I don't know the reason for the targeting of our little girls, but it brings to my mind the biblical extermination of baby boys in the effort to prevent the Messiah from coming to cover our sin and restore creation with Creator. And in the hearts of mothers everywhere, just as in those days in Bethlehem,
I don't need to rehash these events themselves; if you own a computer, tv or radio, or if you read a paper you know the intimately horrific details of this new spate of violence. For those of us here in the Washington DC area, on the same day as the tragedy in Colorado last week our newscasters also informed us of an eight year old girl's sexual assault after she got off of her school bus half a block from her home and the man police were looking for who had assaulted one girl already in area stores and was caught on camera stalking another young victim in an area Target.
My husband, while watching the disturbing news coverage, made two astute observations. The most important of them was the statement that, for reasons he hasn't quite figured out yet, the enemy of our souls is deliberately targeting our daughters. The second was that, being the parents of a beautiful, precious, innocent daughter right now feels a lot like having a deer and knowing it's hunting season out there.
Now we must deal with the horror of this latest attack in Pennsylvania. In listening to the news reports of this disturbed man's possible motives for his heinous plan, I was grieved to hear his statements about being mad at God over the death of his premature baby daughter. There will be thousands of sharper minds than mine analyzing this man's motives over the next few weeks, as we all try to come to grips with how someone could even conceive such evil, but this makes me wonder a few things. I wonder if this man, who has now admitted to molesting young female family members as a twelve year old boy, felt that God was punishing him for this secret sin he had carried hidden in his memory and conscience with the death of his baby daughter. He has stated that he was mad at God, and I cannot help but wonder further if he thought that by perpetrating these evil plans on even more innocent young girls, he was showing God a thing or two. This makes me really think about what a direct path to destruction it is to harbor anger against God.
I write this from the perspective of someone who has spent a lot of time being angry with Him. Every time Nathan gets sick, and I watch him lay there helpless and barely moving, I get angry knowing that the all-powerful God I serve could make his entire illness go away with a wave of His hand. During the years when Chris and I begged to have another child, I alternated between petitioning God for this deep desire of my heart and being angry with Him that He wouldn't even give us this consolation. Now some of you might be aghast at the idea that a pastor's wife would admit to being angry with God, but I genuinely feel that God is big enough to deal with me being angry with him. But thinking about this man's anger at God has made me realize that my personal anger with Him has always been tempered by my inescapable love and need for Him. I see this in the story of Job too (which I have been studying lately). There are many passages in the book of Job where Job is really ticked with God. But his anger never outweighs his love for his God, or stops the longing he expresses to be known by God. I feel that there is a key detail here. We must always strive to never let our anger with God eclipse what the Bible calls the 'fear' of Him, or the realization of who He is and how much we need Him. I think these events are a clear example of the result of such untempered, unchecked anger against our Creator-the death of our souls.
I also feel compelled to point out the stark contrast between this man's inability to forgive God for the death of his baby daughter and the almost instantaneous forgiveness the Amish parents of his victims offered to his family. I am sure I am not the only person to observe this contrast. The Amish community members who have spoken with the press have been a walking textbook for the biblical spirit of forgiveness. As a mother, even though I am a Christian, it boggles my mind that these parents could forgive this man. I can only pray that out of this tragedy, some good will come of the testimony of forgiveness that is being lived out under the glare of media cameras in the gentle and unassuming community of the Amish.
I believe that we need to pray for specific protection over our daughters-the daughters in our homes and the daughters of our society. Like Chris, I don't know the reason for the targeting of our little girls, but it brings to my mind the biblical extermination of baby boys in the effort to prevent the Messiah from coming to cover our sin and restore creation with Creator. And in the hearts of mothers everywhere, just as in those days in Bethlehem,
"A voice is heard in Ramah,
weeping and great mourning,
Rachel weeping for her children
and refusing to be comforted,
because they are no more." (Matthew 2:18)
weeping and great mourning,
Rachel weeping for her children
and refusing to be comforted,
because they are no more." (Matthew 2:18)
RAT-KETEERING
Since I spent the first eight years of motherhood in a really unique situation, there are many standard parenting experiences that I am now getting to try for the first time. One of those happened this week. Our first trip to Chuck E. Cheese.
I would like to go on record here as stating that this is the biggest racket I have ever seen in my life!! Where else can you take your family for a meal and pay $33 for a pizza that tastes more like the boxes that the frozen variety come in at the grocery store, and desperately collect tickets in order to get "prizes" even more cheap and flimsy than those toys that come out of the machines in the front of stores for a quarter!! When my husband came back from the counter and told me that in order to add some semblance of nutrition to our dinner by ordering salads, this childhood-mob-controlled "fun" place wanted $4.99 EACH for a salad bar that consisited of bagged salad mix, some of those processed 'baco' bits, and three (I am not kidding) choices of salad dressing!
When my nephew was little, I was horrified to discover that my brother and sister-in-law had actually told their kids that Chuck E. Cheese had burned down, and they could no longer go. I thought that was the worst parenting technique I had ever heard of. Well, I owe them an apology, because now my eyes have been opened, and I can begin to understand why they would be driven to such a deception.
I fervently hope that Carissa promptly forgot that place as soon as we walked out of there. Otherwise we may have to call her Uncle Rick and have him tell her his Chuck E. Cheese story!
Home Again, Home Again
I made a quick trip to NC this week to meet my enchanting new nephew and see my beloved brother bask in his "new dad" glow. I knew we would not all be able to go down together for at least a month, and I didn't want to miss this special time when a new life is so NEW to all of those around them, so I just jumped in the car and ran down for a couple of days. (I figure, "Shoot! If I can bring two kids into this world myself then I can drive myself down the road to see my family!")
Since I had so much time alone on the six-and-a-half hour drive I got a lot of overdue thinking done. Sounds scary, huh? The following represents the highlight, or at least the only part I could legally put in print.
I spent time with those who know me best and love me anyway. The ones who have seen the good, the bad, the ugly, and the downright indescribable in me. The ones who remember what I looked like in Wonder Woman underoos, and know all of my childhood nicknames. I listened to the voices and looked into the faces of those whose DNA I carry, whose own stories have shaped not only who they are, but who I am as well. I drove around and saw the places where monumental things happened in my life. My Ebenezer Stones, so to speak. The places where my sweetheart kissed me. The church were we discovered God's call on our lives, and where we pledged to love each other until death. The hospital where my baby boy was born, and where one life ended for me and another one began. And I realized that doing these things grounds me again-it makes me remember who I am and what I can do. It also reminds me of all that God has done in my life. It serves as a kind of plumb line, bring me back into alignment with the core of who I have been and who I am today.
The constant push and pull of expectations and deadlines that make up being in ministry tend to reshape me like the tides redecorate the shore every day. Being surrounded by people who don't know your whole story kind of redefines who you are, as you morph into only being what those people see in you. The reflection of more shallow waters. But I have come back stronger and more centered from my quick trip home. I not only drove several hours to cuddle my baby brother's baby, I launched myself back out into the deep waters of who I am.
Warning! Political Discussion Ahead!
OKAY! It has now been a little over a week since Rosie O'Donnell joined "The (Supposed to Represent Many, but Really Only Represents One) View" and I am amazed that I have kept myself from having a heart attack already, but today finally did it!
I told Chris he was going to have to block the ABC station at 11 am on weekdays so that I would not have a stroke or throw things at the tv when I heard Rosie was going to be the show's "moderator" (boy is that the biggest oxymoron I have ever heard in my entire life, or what?). Again, I have proven myself right.
During a discussion about the war on terror today Rosie made the comment that "Radical Christianity is just as big a danger to this country today as Radical Islam." And her statement was followed by applause from most of the audience.
I beg to differ with you, Rosie (and that ain't just an expression, I would beg on my knees to be able to differ with you in person), but you are dead wrong. I am a born-again Christian and I probably would fall into Rosie's category of a "Radical" Christian because of my belief that the scripture is the inherent, infallible Word of God and my mostly right-wing political views. Yes, I believe that homosexuality is a sin, although I think it is no more a sin than lying or stealing. Since I freely admit I am a sinner I have no right to judge Rosie or anyone else and pass sentence on their sin because I, too, am guilty. I adamantly believe that only God is able to judge hearts and is the only being holy and righteous enough to decide someone's eternal sentence for their sins. So although I might caution Rosie that she was transgressing God's law and therefore sinning, I would never sentence her to death for that transgression.
However, no matter how the politically-correct crowd wants to spin it, the Koran calls for the death of anyone who is not a Muslim. So while Rosie would be perfectly safe in my presence, if she were to come under the authority of a "Radical" Muslim, she would be summarily executed on the spot, no questions asked, no religious debate allowed. I think that qualifies as much more of a threat than my "Radical" Christian beliefs, don't you Rosie?
Rosie "The Mouth", as I am now affectionately calling her, went on to say that she just didn't understand why President Bush engaged us in a war in Afganistan after 9/11. Has she never heard of the Taliban? How hard is it to understand that the Taliban government was freely giving Osama Bin Laden the freedom and land to run terrorist training camps and train the very people who would eventually fly planes into buildings and kill thousands of Americans. I enjoy a stimulating political debate as much as the next person, but only with someone who is intellectually educated of the facts, and Rosie proved today that she does not fall into this category.
What really disturbs me most about this morning's show was the fact that this viewpoint about "radical" Christianity was deliberately applauded. Chris reminded me to keep in mind the probable makeup of the audience, which were probably all liberal, New York women who could not differ more from a Christian point of view if they tried, and I will give him that. But is our society really coming to believe that the moral views that are the compass of my life are dangerous to other people?
I told Chris he was going to have to block the ABC station at 11 am on weekdays so that I would not have a stroke or throw things at the tv when I heard Rosie was going to be the show's "moderator" (boy is that the biggest oxymoron I have ever heard in my entire life, or what?). Again, I have proven myself right.
During a discussion about the war on terror today Rosie made the comment that "Radical Christianity is just as big a danger to this country today as Radical Islam." And her statement was followed by applause from most of the audience.
I beg to differ with you, Rosie (and that ain't just an expression, I would beg on my knees to be able to differ with you in person), but you are dead wrong. I am a born-again Christian and I probably would fall into Rosie's category of a "Radical" Christian because of my belief that the scripture is the inherent, infallible Word of God and my mostly right-wing political views. Yes, I believe that homosexuality is a sin, although I think it is no more a sin than lying or stealing. Since I freely admit I am a sinner I have no right to judge Rosie or anyone else and pass sentence on their sin because I, too, am guilty. I adamantly believe that only God is able to judge hearts and is the only being holy and righteous enough to decide someone's eternal sentence for their sins. So although I might caution Rosie that she was transgressing God's law and therefore sinning, I would never sentence her to death for that transgression.
However, no matter how the politically-correct crowd wants to spin it, the Koran calls for the death of anyone who is not a Muslim. So while Rosie would be perfectly safe in my presence, if she were to come under the authority of a "Radical" Muslim, she would be summarily executed on the spot, no questions asked, no religious debate allowed. I think that qualifies as much more of a threat than my "Radical" Christian beliefs, don't you Rosie?
Rosie "The Mouth", as I am now affectionately calling her, went on to say that she just didn't understand why President Bush engaged us in a war in Afganistan after 9/11. Has she never heard of the Taliban? How hard is it to understand that the Taliban government was freely giving Osama Bin Laden the freedom and land to run terrorist training camps and train the very people who would eventually fly planes into buildings and kill thousands of Americans. I enjoy a stimulating political debate as much as the next person, but only with someone who is intellectually educated of the facts, and Rosie proved today that she does not fall into this category.
What really disturbs me most about this morning's show was the fact that this viewpoint about "radical" Christianity was deliberately applauded. Chris reminded me to keep in mind the probable makeup of the audience, which were probably all liberal, New York women who could not differ more from a Christian point of view if they tried, and I will give him that. But is our society really coming to believe that the moral views that are the compass of my life are dangerous to other people?
Stuck in CHOCOLATE!!!
Well, another dream bites the dust. All these years I thought being waist deep in a vat of chocolate sounded like heaven! Oh well!
Celebration Day
I just read an article by H.B. London in which he stated that the month of July is special to him because it is the month when he "celebrates his wife and their son." What an astounding concept! Instead of celebrating a 'day' when your loved one was born, what if we celebrated the person? For example, instead of celebrating my son's birthday in June, what if all day that day we celebrated everything we love about him and all of the wonderful things that makes him who he is? Instead of it being 'Nathan's birthday' it could be 'Nathan Day'! Wouldn't this do wonderful things for our children's self-esteem? What a great way to counteract the 'cookie-cutter' cultural influences our kids are innundated with every day, and reinforce that they are special to us because of who they are. Let's face it, most of our work as parents day in and day out is geared towards pointing our children to who we want them to become. We must purpose to remember to reinforce that we love who they are. This would be a banner day to drive this message home in a big way. I think I have just inaugurated 'Chris day', 'Nathan Day', and 'Carissa Day' (which happens to be the same day as what I hope would be 'Allison Day'!!) around here!
Sucked down the Ebay drain!
I have lost one entire week of my life! Last week I posted 17 items for sale on Ebay for the first time. I must honestly admit that I may not have even watched my newborn daughter as diligently as I have watched these items this last week! I wake up-I check Ebay. I come home-I check Ebay. I check Ebay-I check Ebay again! Pitiful! I am so grateful that these silly auctions are over. Now I can get back to making sure my home is not condemned by the Health Dept. and that my children don't all of the sudden look like that poor Kiera Knightly from lack of sufficient nutrition. If you are missing whole blocks of time from your life; if you come to in front of the computer with glazed eyes mumbling "Must add to my watch list!" or "How do I calculate shipping?"-call me. Maybe we can start a support group!
P.S.-You must note the time for this posting-Guess what I've been doing?!!!!! Help me, please, help me!
P.S.-You must note the time for this posting-Guess what I've been doing?!!!!! Help me, please, help me!
Idol Desperation?
Am I the only one who thinks it hilariously ironic that the movie ABC has scheduled up against the American Idol finale tonight is entitled "Desperation"?
I suppose with all of the finale hoopla I should go on record with my pick. (That is what a blog is for, isn't it-to assume that the whole world is waiting with baited breath for reports on your every activity and opinion on all subjects?)
As a formerly trained singer I cannot help but admire the near-perfection of Katherine McPhee's voice. Her's is truely more aptly described as an instrument. When Kat's on her A-game, not taking it for granted, she is unstoppable. However, we all know that sucess in the music business has nothing whatsoever to do with superior vocal ability. (Otherwise we would never have been subjected to the vocal stylings of the lovely Simpson sisters, Jessica and Ashley! "Oh, dear Lord, if only...")
Now, Taylor Hicks, on the other hand has the perfect "music biz" package of talent and appeal. I myself always have a soft spot for underdogs and I have been charmed by Taylor since the beginning, even though I never thought he would make it to the final round. And to his credit he has shown more consistancy in his performance ability than any other contestant this season. So I am going down in posterity as posting Taylor as my pick for the next American Idol. (Insert trumpet fanfare here.)
Now I must point out that my pick and the fickle tastes of teenage American girls(which is usually the driving vote demographic for Idol, right?) do not always coincide. So I freely admit that I could be surprised. After all, Clay Aiken had that loveable, underdog air about him but he still ended up in the second position.
We can only wait and see....
I suppose with all of the finale hoopla I should go on record with my pick. (That is what a blog is for, isn't it-to assume that the whole world is waiting with baited breath for reports on your every activity and opinion on all subjects?)
As a formerly trained singer I cannot help but admire the near-perfection of Katherine McPhee's voice. Her's is truely more aptly described as an instrument. When Kat's on her A-game, not taking it for granted, she is unstoppable. However, we all know that sucess in the music business has nothing whatsoever to do with superior vocal ability. (Otherwise we would never have been subjected to the vocal stylings of the lovely Simpson sisters, Jessica and Ashley! "Oh, dear Lord, if only...")
Now, Taylor Hicks, on the other hand has the perfect "music biz" package of talent and appeal. I myself always have a soft spot for underdogs and I have been charmed by Taylor since the beginning, even though I never thought he would make it to the final round. And to his credit he has shown more consistancy in his performance ability than any other contestant this season. So I am going down in posterity as posting Taylor as my pick for the next American Idol. (Insert trumpet fanfare here.)
Now I must point out that my pick and the fickle tastes of teenage American girls(which is usually the driving vote demographic for Idol, right?) do not always coincide. So I freely admit that I could be surprised. After all, Clay Aiken had that loveable, underdog air about him but he still ended up in the second position.
We can only wait and see....
Maiden Voyage
Well, this is my maiden voyage into the world of blogging! My husband has had a blog on our church's website for the past year or so, and I must say that I envy his ability to spout off about anything and everything that suits his fancy. There is no telling what I'll write about, since my interests run the gamut from Christian fiction to jazz to current political topics.
I am reading the most amazing book called Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery Of A Woman's Soul by John and Stasi Eldridge. In it the authors talk about how women were created as the pinnacle of God's amazing creation and how we were created to embody God's attributes of passion and beauty, but for too long we have squashed that "captivating" nature that He created within us. They liken what we should be to a little girl twirling in front of her Daddy, fully expecting to be captivating to him and to everyone else around her. As a perfectionist I spend too much time berating myself for everything I think I do wrong, but I want to start thinking of myself as God's treasured little girl and I'm gonna try to twirl for all I'm worth!
I am reading the most amazing book called Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery Of A Woman's Soul by John and Stasi Eldridge. In it the authors talk about how women were created as the pinnacle of God's amazing creation and how we were created to embody God's attributes of passion and beauty, but for too long we have squashed that "captivating" nature that He created within us. They liken what we should be to a little girl twirling in front of her Daddy, fully expecting to be captivating to him and to everyone else around her. As a perfectionist I spend too much time berating myself for everything I think I do wrong, but I want to start thinking of myself as God's treasured little girl and I'm gonna try to twirl for all I'm worth!
