Showing posts with label Ministry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ministry. Show all posts
Caring for the Pastor's Wife
Wow! My cyber-friend Julie over at the accidental pastor's wife posted a link to this amazing blog post by Pastor Erik over at his Bright Wings blog about how to care for the pastor's wife. I am especially glad someone has spoken up on the point of praying for her and fighting for her. The blog post speaks for itself. Enjoy!
A Lonely Life
My good friend and fellow pastor's wife, Julie, recently posted one of the best blog posts about being a pastor's wife that I have ever read. I heartily recommend checking it out here: The Accidental Pastor's Wife: It Really Is a Lonely Life. Really.
I especially identify with #2. There is often so much going on behind the scenes that we, as pastor's wives, are aware of but the average person is not. I once had an issue with a church member who had just announced a major change in her life that was taking her away from our congregation. There had been a lot going on behind the scenes in ministry that week and, frankly, I was preoccupied with it that Sunday. Later I heard through the grapevine that she felt my husband and I were 'mad' with her because she left. I called to try and clear the air, and she said, "Well, I just don't feel that you were there for me."
I do wish people would show grace to us when we are dealing with our own personal or professional issues. It is hard not to slip into 'wearing the mask' when it feels like people really don't want us to be real with them. And then, your existance, though busy and crowded with people nearly every single day, becomes a very lonely one indeed! Thanks, Julie, for sharing on this difficult topic!
I especially identify with #2. There is often so much going on behind the scenes that we, as pastor's wives, are aware of but the average person is not. I once had an issue with a church member who had just announced a major change in her life that was taking her away from our congregation. There had been a lot going on behind the scenes in ministry that week and, frankly, I was preoccupied with it that Sunday. Later I heard through the grapevine that she felt my husband and I were 'mad' with her because she left. I called to try and clear the air, and she said, "Well, I just don't feel that you were there for me."
I do wish people would show grace to us when we are dealing with our own personal or professional issues. It is hard not to slip into 'wearing the mask' when it feels like people really don't want us to be real with them. And then, your existance, though busy and crowded with people nearly every single day, becomes a very lonely one indeed! Thanks, Julie, for sharing on this difficult topic!
The 30 Day Honor Your Husband Challenge
My good friend, and fellow ministry wife, Alida let us all in on a fantastic 30 day challenge to practice honoring our husbands a little more consistently. It is being sponsored by Christine over at Fruit in Season, and is based on an article by Nancy Leigh DeMoss that you can access at her ministry website, Revive Our Hearts.
This challenge really resonates with me for several reasons.
One is that, when I am really honest, I have to admit that my darling Chris falls down my priority list quite often. Yes, the other things that crowd the top of the list might be worthwhile distractions (like Nathan's medical needs, or chasing Carissa) but they are never an adequate excuse for failing to obeying God's command in my life to bring honor to my husband-the highest priority behind God himself.
Secondly, this challenge fits well with the work that God has been doing in my life recently (please see my post on "Five for Friday, #5"). As He draws me closer through His word and through His presence, things I need to work out of my life are bubbling up to the surface more frequently-such as a lack of obedience or true agape love for others-giving me the opportunity to work them out with His help. Making the honor of my husband a regular practice and priority fits in with the self discipline I have been trying to practice lately.
Finally, as a pastor's wife, one of the things that frustrates me the most is when others dishonor Chris, either by being disrespectful or by failing to see the depth of his character and love for God. We pastor's wives often have to stand by, exercising patience and self-control, while people malign our husbands either publicly or behind his back, usually because they don't agree with a leadership decision he has made. And I am here to tell you that IT STINKS. In fact, that is my least favorite thing about being a pastor's wife. So I see this challenge as an opportunity to make up for others' dishonoring behavior, and to publicly give honor to the great man that I, the woman who sees his faults and weaknesses more than anyone, know him to be.
First, I should make some goals for honoring my husband this week. So, here are mine:
1. To complain to him less. (Most of the time I use Chris as my 'release valve' for all of my pent-up frustration over Nathan's disabilities or the myriad of annoying things that happen in my life. He SO does not deserve this!)
2. To make time for him-either to talk with him about his work, share ideas from some of the things he is reading, or do some things more regularly that he is usually interested in more than me. (I hope no explanation is needed on the last one!!)
3. To pray for him, with him, so that he hears me, every day.
I came across a poem yesterday by Ruth Bell Graham (I'm rereading them this week!) that captures how I feel about my wonderful husband. In order to kick things off by publicly bringing him honor, I am going to post it here.
"I met you years ago
when
of all the men
I knew,
you,
I hero-worshipped
then:
you are my husband now,
my husband!
and from my home
(your arms),
I turn to look
down the long trail of years
to where I met you first
and hero-worshipped,
and I would smile;
...I know you better now:
the faults,
the odd preferments,
the differences
that make you you.
That other me
-so young,
so far away-
saw you
and hero-worshipped
but never knew;
while I,
grown wiser
with the closeness of these years,
hero-worship, too!"
-Ruth Bell Graham
My darling heart, I love you more now than I could have ever dreamed possible in my dreamy, romantic, idealist young girl's heart that fell for your brooding strength and depth of soul all those years ago! In the interim of time, I have seen the best and worst in you, and you are still the most Godly, loving, supportive, wise, smart and handsome man I have ever known. Your strength holds me fast when my world rocks on it's axis and your friendship is the most beautiful treasure God has given me-even more precious to me than Nathan and Carissa's smiles (and you understand more than anyone how I treasure those!). It is the honor of my life to stand beside you, my very identity wrapped up in you ("she is the pastor's wife..."), given a front row seat for all that God is doing in you and through you during our brief years on this earth. Thank you for cleaning up the kitchen each time I cook, taking Carissa out to let me have quiet time, getting up to let the nurse in so I can sleep a little longer, being transparent about your struggles so that I can find healing for myself without shame, correcting my horrible spelling and feeding me each week as my pastor. I love you!
A Great Woman of God, Part 2
In addendum to my post on the homegoing of Ruth Bell Graham:
After watching the broadcast of the memorial service for Ruth, I visited the website of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. I found there a beautiful photo montage of Ruth's life, and heartily recommend viewing it. On the page for memorials, I found that to honor her passing, the BGEA is making available on of her books to the general public at no cost. For those of you who read my previous post, one guess as to which book it is! Yes, my long sought-after "Sitting by my Laughing Fire." I cannot think of a more appropriate occasion for me to acquire it than Ruth's 'graduation' to all that she believed in for her entire life!
After watching the broadcast of the memorial service for Ruth, I visited the website of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. I found there a beautiful photo montage of Ruth's life, and heartily recommend viewing it. On the page for memorials, I found that to honor her passing, the BGEA is making available on of her books to the general public at no cost. For those of you who read my previous post, one guess as to which book it is! Yes, my long sought-after "Sitting by my Laughing Fire." I cannot think of a more appropriate occasion for me to acquire it than Ruth's 'graduation' to all that she believed in for her entire life!
A Great Woman of God
My heart is heavy as I heard the news of the 'homegoing' of a great woman of God today-Ruth Bell Graham. For those of you who have not been blessed to read her writing or poetry or hear the testimony of her faithful life, Ruth is the wife of world-renowned evangelist Billy Graham.
In my late 20's, while plundering through odds and ends at a Goodwill store with my mom, I came across some books by Ruth, and thought she might be someone who would have something worthwhile to say. I bought one book, "Legacy of a Pack Rat," and took it home to read. I found myself, over the next few days, nudging Chris late at night and reading entire passages aloud to him from her book. Over the next couple of years I devoured anything and everything I could get my hands on that were written by or about her. I was drawn to her easy writing style, her humour, and her honesty in recounting the struggles of raising her children, so often without the influence of their father. Chris was on the road a lot at this time, ministering as an evangelist, and I remember thinking, "Well, the work of raising her five virtually by herself was probably comparable to the work of taking care of my Nathan, with his myriad of disabilities."
Later on, after reading all of her prose, I discovered her poetry. Never one to be especially fond of the medium, Ruth's poetry moved me deeply. It is often simple, capturing her deep love of nature or the day-to-day life of loving God and family. In my struggle with anxiety, I will often pull my volume of her poetry off my shelf and read a little-it never fails to bring me peace.
In the article about her death, her local pastor, Rev. Richard White, was quoted as saying, "She had the ability to move among presidents and leaders, but then turn right around and clean the oven of a widow." Ruth was always real, and I believe that she was Billy's anchor as God used him on the world stage to bring the gospel to millions. She shared in her writings that Billy would drift into areas of politics that she thought he ought not to move into, and she never hesitated to tell him so.
In this day and age, I am constantly disgusted by big-time ministers or pastors whose ministries become huge and then they leave behind chasing the kingdom to chase the world's standard of success. You know the ones I mean-the ones who live in multi-million dollar condos in Trump tower, or will only stay in six-diamond hotels if they take a speaking engagement. If anyone could have let kingdom success go to his head and make him earthly-minded, it was Billy Graham. Who else has, for generations, been called 'America's pastor'? But Ruth was always there for him to come home to, after rubbing elbows with the movers and shakers or sunburned from the media glare he attracted, full of gentle wisdom and practical sense in their humble cabin far up in the mountains of North Carolina that she built herself. Who knows where he might have wandered if not for the anchor of her candor and utter lack of pretense.
Now that I am a full-time pastor's wife, Ruth serves as a shining example of what I hope to be for my husband-a refuge, an anchor, a faithful steward of his home. Her motherhood and the results of it-five grown children faithfully serving God-serve as an example of what I hope to be as a mother. And her diligent, expository study of God's word and faithful struggle to put it into work in her daily life serve as an example of what it means to be a true disciple of this faith that I hold so dear.
By the way, that day in the Goodwill store there were several of Ruth's books on the bookshelf, but I only picked one to buy because I wasn't sure if I would like her work. In my subsequent collection of her writing, I have been eluded by one particular title which has long been out of print-a book called "Sitting By My Laughing Fire." I have kicked myself for the better part of a decade for not buying every single one of those books when I had the chance that day! (I know I can buy it on amazon, but I am just waiting for the happy day when God lets me come across it sitting on some used bookstore or antique store shelf! It has become my 'holy grail' of books, and I refuse to take the easy way out in finding it!!)
Ruth's degenerative arthritis was the result of an accident in which she fell out of a tree while helping her grandchildren to repair a swing. (No measly tree could stand in the way of this little powerhouse of a woman doing what her loved ones needed doing!) Now that she has finally been given a new body, one free of the pain that had crippled her in the last years of her life, I can just imagine her up there, climbing the tree of life and shaking down fruit for everyone. If there has ever been a person to whom I could easily iimagine God saying, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," it is Ruth Bell Graham.
PS-Here are two of my favorite Ruth quotes, to reward you for reading through this long post. When asked about her views on marriage, Ruth said two very profound things: "If the two of you agree on everything, one of you is unnecessary" and to the question about whether she had ever considered divorce, "Divorce no, murder yes!"
In my late 20's, while plundering through odds and ends at a Goodwill store with my mom, I came across some books by Ruth, and thought she might be someone who would have something worthwhile to say. I bought one book, "Legacy of a Pack Rat," and took it home to read. I found myself, over the next few days, nudging Chris late at night and reading entire passages aloud to him from her book. Over the next couple of years I devoured anything and everything I could get my hands on that were written by or about her. I was drawn to her easy writing style, her humour, and her honesty in recounting the struggles of raising her children, so often without the influence of their father. Chris was on the road a lot at this time, ministering as an evangelist, and I remember thinking, "Well, the work of raising her five virtually by herself was probably comparable to the work of taking care of my Nathan, with his myriad of disabilities."
Later on, after reading all of her prose, I discovered her poetry. Never one to be especially fond of the medium, Ruth's poetry moved me deeply. It is often simple, capturing her deep love of nature or the day-to-day life of loving God and family. In my struggle with anxiety, I will often pull my volume of her poetry off my shelf and read a little-it never fails to bring me peace.
In the article about her death, her local pastor, Rev. Richard White, was quoted as saying, "She had the ability to move among presidents and leaders, but then turn right around and clean the oven of a widow." Ruth was always real, and I believe that she was Billy's anchor as God used him on the world stage to bring the gospel to millions. She shared in her writings that Billy would drift into areas of politics that she thought he ought not to move into, and she never hesitated to tell him so.
In this day and age, I am constantly disgusted by big-time ministers or pastors whose ministries become huge and then they leave behind chasing the kingdom to chase the world's standard of success. You know the ones I mean-the ones who live in multi-million dollar condos in Trump tower, or will only stay in six-diamond hotels if they take a speaking engagement. If anyone could have let kingdom success go to his head and make him earthly-minded, it was Billy Graham. Who else has, for generations, been called 'America's pastor'? But Ruth was always there for him to come home to, after rubbing elbows with the movers and shakers or sunburned from the media glare he attracted, full of gentle wisdom and practical sense in their humble cabin far up in the mountains of North Carolina that she built herself. Who knows where he might have wandered if not for the anchor of her candor and utter lack of pretense.
Now that I am a full-time pastor's wife, Ruth serves as a shining example of what I hope to be for my husband-a refuge, an anchor, a faithful steward of his home. Her motherhood and the results of it-five grown children faithfully serving God-serve as an example of what I hope to be as a mother. And her diligent, expository study of God's word and faithful struggle to put it into work in her daily life serve as an example of what it means to be a true disciple of this faith that I hold so dear.
By the way, that day in the Goodwill store there were several of Ruth's books on the bookshelf, but I only picked one to buy because I wasn't sure if I would like her work. In my subsequent collection of her writing, I have been eluded by one particular title which has long been out of print-a book called "Sitting By My Laughing Fire." I have kicked myself for the better part of a decade for not buying every single one of those books when I had the chance that day! (I know I can buy it on amazon, but I am just waiting for the happy day when God lets me come across it sitting on some used bookstore or antique store shelf! It has become my 'holy grail' of books, and I refuse to take the easy way out in finding it!!)
Ruth's degenerative arthritis was the result of an accident in which she fell out of a tree while helping her grandchildren to repair a swing. (No measly tree could stand in the way of this little powerhouse of a woman doing what her loved ones needed doing!) Now that she has finally been given a new body, one free of the pain that had crippled her in the last years of her life, I can just imagine her up there, climbing the tree of life and shaking down fruit for everyone. If there has ever been a person to whom I could easily iimagine God saying, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," it is Ruth Bell Graham.
PS-Here are two of my favorite Ruth quotes, to reward you for reading through this long post. When asked about her views on marriage, Ruth said two very profound things: "If the two of you agree on everything, one of you is unnecessary" and to the question about whether she had ever considered divorce, "Divorce no, murder yes!"
Earrings and Poop
Oh the joys of motherhood! Last week Chris left for a missions trip to Ecuador. He hadn't even been gone 24 hours when my little busybody proceeded to quietly slip into our bedroom and swallow 5 (yes i wrote 5-F I V E) of my stud earrings! I found her with the earrings and counted them out to realize that five mates were missing and the only logical place they could be was inside my daughter! Her pediatrician and my Dad (who was the only person I could think coherently to call for advice) said "Take her to the ER for an x-ray." Sure enough, there they all were. (I'm certain this x-ray has now been added to some radiologist's "Most strange things kids have swallowed" collection!!) Then I had the extreme joy of watching the, shall we say, output for the next week to make sure the earrings made it out of her system! Needless to say, I will be reminding Chris of this little chore when it comes time to buy Mother's Day gifts next year!
And to think, some people might think the life of a stay-at-home Mom and pastor's wife is boring!
(By the way, Chris took 12 others with him on the missions trip-up from two last year. They prayed with 84 people to accept Christ, and ministered to hundreds of others! And to think, by staying home with the kids and fishing through poop so Daddy could go preach to the nations, I had a small stake in that kingdom work!!)
And to think, some people might think the life of a stay-at-home Mom and pastor's wife is boring!
(By the way, Chris took 12 others with him on the missions trip-up from two last year. They prayed with 84 people to accept Christ, and ministered to hundreds of others! And to think, by staying home with the kids and fishing through poop so Daddy could go preach to the nations, I had a small stake in that kingdom work!!)
When Will The Week End?
This has been just a yucky week! Nathan had surgery on Monday, which went well and he is recuperating quickly. That's the good news! I came down with a horrible head cold the day after his surgery. So I have been unable to go to the hospital any day this week to be with Nathan. I usually handle all of his acute medical care information, so poor Chris has had to call me a million times each day with another question from the medical team. It seems that the mindset of the team in a Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) is, "If it's working well, let's tinker with it and see if we can get it to work better. That made it worse? Oh, well!" Anyhoo-it is killing me to not see Nathan for three days or be there for him when he needs me! I feel like the worst parent in the world!
Meanwhile, two of our staff members had new babies last week, and as the Women's Ministries Coordinator it falls to me to arrange for some meals to be brought for the new moms. I made phone calls and put together a schedule of the women who agreed to prepare a meal and gave it out on Sunday, so that everything would be in place before heading into Nathan's surgery on Monday. Almost every single woman on that schedule had to move their night, or something came up and they couldn't do it. To quote Charlie Brown, "AAARRRGGGHH!"
On top of all of this, I completely forgot our weekly Women's prayer group this morning. I suspected a ball would get dropped soon, but I hate that this was it. I hope the women will be understanding.
Chris and I were talking on the way home from the hospital about how no one outside of the two of us really understands all that the last ten years has held for us. I am amazed that even after ten years of being in the hospital and numerous surgeries, it is the hardest thing in the world to leave your baby in the hands of others and wait for the outcome. It is not just hard; I find it to be agony. I don't think I've ever told anyone this besides Chris. Everyone else just takes it for granted that we handle all of this so well, and I am grateful for the testimony that brings to God, but it never gets easy or routine.
At the hospital we used to frequent they made you tell your child goodbye in the hallway and they wheeled him away from you while he was still awake. At least here they let one of us go into the operating room with him until he goes to sleep. But I still have to force my feet to walk out of that room. And then the waiting is excruciating to me, who is used to being at least well informed of his status every moment of the day, if not outright responsible for his status! It is definately one of those times when I literally leave him in the Lord's hands!
I don't know how I could parent if I didn't have faith in a God who is bigger than this life. There are so many uncertainties and things we cannot control, especially with a special-needs child. When I feel like I'm about to come unglued I have to remind myself that I am never in control anyway, that even when things seem well in control, the control lies in God's hands. And I can't think of a better place for it to be!
Meanwhile, two of our staff members had new babies last week, and as the Women's Ministries Coordinator it falls to me to arrange for some meals to be brought for the new moms. I made phone calls and put together a schedule of the women who agreed to prepare a meal and gave it out on Sunday, so that everything would be in place before heading into Nathan's surgery on Monday. Almost every single woman on that schedule had to move their night, or something came up and they couldn't do it. To quote Charlie Brown, "AAARRRGGGHH!"
On top of all of this, I completely forgot our weekly Women's prayer group this morning. I suspected a ball would get dropped soon, but I hate that this was it. I hope the women will be understanding.
Chris and I were talking on the way home from the hospital about how no one outside of the two of us really understands all that the last ten years has held for us. I am amazed that even after ten years of being in the hospital and numerous surgeries, it is the hardest thing in the world to leave your baby in the hands of others and wait for the outcome. It is not just hard; I find it to be agony. I don't think I've ever told anyone this besides Chris. Everyone else just takes it for granted that we handle all of this so well, and I am grateful for the testimony that brings to God, but it never gets easy or routine.
At the hospital we used to frequent they made you tell your child goodbye in the hallway and they wheeled him away from you while he was still awake. At least here they let one of us go into the operating room with him until he goes to sleep. But I still have to force my feet to walk out of that room. And then the waiting is excruciating to me, who is used to being at least well informed of his status every moment of the day, if not outright responsible for his status! It is definately one of those times when I literally leave him in the Lord's hands!
I don't know how I could parent if I didn't have faith in a God who is bigger than this life. There are so many uncertainties and things we cannot control, especially with a special-needs child. When I feel like I'm about to come unglued I have to remind myself that I am never in control anyway, that even when things seem well in control, the control lies in God's hands. And I can't think of a better place for it to be!
