My Weakness

God and I met before coffee this morning. (There truly is something about meeting Him early in the morning!) As I prayed and talked and worried aloud and spilled my guts, I fell into my usual routine of confessing all of the things I should do that I don't and asking for protection against all of the things that scare me that I can't control. In other words, my weakness. The infirmity of my flesh and the smallness of my might.

But God spoke something to my heart that knocked my socks off-He told me that He created my weakness! It didn't catch Him by surprise. He put it there. He isn't shocked, or disgusted, or offended by it. WOW!

I spend so much time trying to make up for that weakness, by trying to plan for every eventuality that might happen in our life. Or by trying to cover up the failings in me that makes me so very imperfect, unlovable, unusable. Like Adam, sowing up those fig-leaf board shorts. But we are wasting so much effort on trying to hide or cover up for an ingredient that the designer deliberately chose for the creation. Before He ever made you or I, He wrote in His word that His strength is made perfect, or complete, or finished, in our weakness. (2 Cor 12:9) John writes that "nothing-not one thing!-came into being without him." (John 1:3, the Message) Even my weakness! It's like the baking powder that the baker deliberately pulls out of the cupboard and puts into the bread, because He knows it is a necessary ingredient for the bread to rise even higher.

I must let this anxiety over the things I am too weak to control in the future, or the shame over the inherent weakness of this flesh I am presently living in GO! I sense that in embracing that weakness, I will open it up for God to more freely show His strength, and that is what I desperately long for.

My Champion

Today was Challenge Day for Special Olympics at Nathan's school. He competed along with his classmates in the Beach Volleyball event! I was so proud of him. They had adapted a huge slingshot to launch the volleyball over the net so that each student could "serve." Nathan served twice and returned the volley back over the net several times.

I am always so overhelmed by the community support for our Special Olympics day. To see the outpouring of support and the look of pride on the kids' faces brings me to tears every year. Of course, I have to hide those tears, because nothing embarrases a ten-year old boy more than a weepy mother!

I'm tremendously proud of my guy, but in a way I'm proud of us too. It is mindblowing to realize that a child like Nathan, on full life-support can even go to school every day, much less participate in an event like this. So, just this once, I want to say,

Seven Things I've Learned

My friends Crickl and als tagged me for a meme of seven random things about me. However, I think Crickl had the right idea about changing the subject to seven things I've learned in life. (And like her, I've already done a 'random things about me' list. You can find it in my Jan '07 posts.) It took a few days of mulling over, but I think I've finally come up with my own list. Here goes:

1. LIFE IS ALL ABOUT CHOICES. . . The whole thing boils down to each little choice I make. Every day we make millions of choices, large or small, either by design or by default. If I choose to eat bonbons and ice cream for breakfast each day I'm going to look like Jabba The Hut. If I focus on the dust in my house all day long and choose not to spend time with God my spirit will suffer even though my house might look great. If we can come to the place where we are aware of these choices before we make them we would all lead much more disciplined lives.

2. . . . SO CHOOSE THE THINGS THAT ARE OF ETERNAL VALUE. The dust will always be there. Your kid's toys will always be where they are not supposed to be. So what. Have I cultivated any fruit of the spirit today? Have I spent time making an eternal investment into my childrens' character by spending a little time with them that doesn't involve nagging?

3. THERE ARE QUESTIONS WE MAY NEVER KNOW THE ANSWERS TO. "Why?" is a black hole that you may never come out of. Sometimes we just have to give up on the why, and focus on the now. Many say that all of our questions will be answered one day when we are in heaven, but I personally think that I will be so happy and fulfilled there that I will no longer wonder.

4. YOU ARE THE ONLY 'YOU' THERE WILL EVER BE. This one's a two-parter. A.) Celebrate, love and embrace the unique things that God has placed in you. Become comfortable in your own skin and practice being yourself as often as possible. B.) No matter how worthy your other roles in life may be, never let them eclipse knowing and taking care of yourself. Don't get lost in your other job titles. There are plenty of Moms, Pastor's Wives, Accountants, etc., but there is only one soul who can be you.

5. YOUR 'MOTHER'S INSTINCT' IS ALWAYS RIGHT. If you're reading my blog, it's a safe bet that you're a girl. You may or may not be a mom yet, but even if you're not you will probably become one some day. That gut instinct is a gift from God and you should always listen to it. I have experienced this over and over in caring for my son for ten years. Many times that instinct may have been what saved his life. Listen to it and don't apologize for it!

6. THE GOLDEN RULE IS A PRETTY SAYING. No, I'm not suggesting you quit being considerate. But I've learned first hand that you can be as sweet as a Georgia peach and someone will still be mean to you. The world is full of mean people, and many of them go to a church! But if you keep your eyes on God, and practice showing the mercy that He has so freely given to each of us, you will not be so disappointed in those around you.

7. THIS LIFE JUST WON'T WORK WITHOUT GOD. You may think you have managed to find real happiness without him, but you have fooled yourself. He is the sole purpose for which we exist.

Well, there you have it. I am going to make a copy of this so that in ten years I can look back and have a good laugh at my "wisdom"!! Thanks, Crickl and als, for giving me the opportunity to reflect on this. (And as for tagging seven others, all of the bloggers I know were in the same tag list that Crickl made except for one, so I tag my husband. Chris-"You're It!!!!")
Before I was a Mom -
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom -
I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on - Pooped on - Spit on - Chewed on, or Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and My thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests...or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life
so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known The warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.


I tell people often that Mother's Day is my favorite holiday. They always smile and nod, the kind of smile which seems to say, "Aw, that's sweet." But I have yet to find a way to communicate how passionately I feel about being a mother.

I am a highly educated, intelligent woman who could have chosen just about any career path and been successful at it. But motherhood is the job that my heart has always aspired to. It hasn't been what I thought it would be-it's been more difficult than I could have ever imagined, but more wonderful than I ever dared to dream. Being a great mom is the main driving passion in my life. Jacqueline Kennedy said, "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much." That pretty much sums up my life's philosophy in a nutshell.

So I will cherish this entire weekend. (Mother's Day has already started for me-Nathan brought me home a flower that he planted himself, along with a beautiful card!) I pray that every mother out there will feel as loved, honored and fulfilled as I do!


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